Or, is your relationship based

on power and control?

Physical and sexual assaults, or threats to commit them, are the most apparent forms of domestic violence and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the batterer, when reinforced by one or more acts of physical violence, make up a larger system of buse. Although physical assaults may occur only once or occasionally, they instill threat of future violent attacks and allow the abuser to take control of the woman's life and circumstances.

The Power & Control diagram is a particularly helpful tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors, which are used by a batterer to establish and maintain control over his partner. Very often, one or more violent incidents are accompanied by an array of these other types of abuse. They are less easily identified, yet firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship. 

Power & Control

INTIMIDATION

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

ISOLATION

MINIMIZING, DENYING, & BLAMING

USING CHILDREN

ECONOMIC ABUSE

MALE PRIVILEGE

COERCION & THREATS

Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her

Threatening to commit suicide or report her to welfare

Making her drop charges

Making her do illegal things

Making her afraid by using looks, actions, and gestures 

Smashing things 

Destroying her property

Abusing pets 

Displaying weapons

Putting her down 

Making her feel bad about herself

Calling her names 

Making her think she's crazy 

Playing mind games 

Humiliating her 

Making her feel guilty

Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads and

where she goes 

Limiting her outside involvement 

Using jealousy to justify actions

Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously 

Saying the abuse didn't happen 

Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior

Saying she caused it

Making her feel guilty about the children by telling her she is a bad parent or by telling her the children need a two-parent home 

Threatening to hurt the children 

Using the children to relay messages

Using visitation to harass her

Threatening to take the children away

Preventing her from getting or keeping a job 

Making her ask for money

Giving her an allowance 

Taking her money 

Not letting her know about or have access to family income

Treating her like a servant

Making all the big decisions

Acting like the "master of the castle"

Being the one to define men's and women's roles

 

Domestic Abuse Intervention Project V 202 East Superior Street V Duluth, Minnesota 55802 V 218/722-4134

Adapted by

TEXAS COUNCIL ON FAMILY VIOLENCE

P.O. Box 161810 V Austin, Texas 78716 V 512/794-1133 V Fax: 512/794-1199

www.tcfv.org

 

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