There are so many things that appeal to different people!
Some feel more comfortable at bigger meetings that are well
established, where they can kind of blend into the woodwork so to
speak, and don't feel pressured to get involved. Others like the feel
of a speaker meeting or a book study, where they can hear other's
experience. Still others like the smaller, intimate feeling of say
(like my homegroup!) a candlelight meeting where they can immediately
be known. Many are drawn to the "popular" meetings, where there is a
lot of socialization outside the meeting. Whatever attracts us to our
homegroups, what makes us comfortable is our choice to accept it
as "ours." Its also a group that you can make every week. For me,
I've always sought out groups that need support, that have at least
one week devoted to step or book study a month, and for a place that
I feel loved and needed. I've had a Friday night homegroup since I
got clean, mainly because Fridays were a big trigger night for me,
even though I used every day—I've thought over the years about
switching, when I moved to a different area or whatever to a
different night of the week, but it seems that Friday meetings still
hold the most attraction to me, though not because of resistance to
temptation. My last homegroup was a Just for Today meditation
meeting, where we would read the meditation, light the candles,
meditate on it for three minutes, have a speaker share on it for
about 10-15 minutes, then open the floor up for discussion. My group
now is also a candlelight meeting, in a couched room—Actually, it
used to be in a room with only couches, but our group's attendance
grew and we were forced to move into one of the classrooms that has a
square of four couches surrounding a large coffee table on one side,
and three tables with chairs on the other side or the room. As it is,
we still have to break into two groups if they bring the bus from the
local detox, but its still a very comfortable meeting.
2. What are things a Homegroup can do to make newer members feel
welcome?
We make a special effort to greet newcomers, to talk to them
individually and try to get to know them. Our format announces that
we are happy to answer any questions newcomers might have. We try to
gear our varied format to accommodate newcomers during our
coffeemaker' s reading choice week, as well as our pitch topic week.
We make sure that we reserve the last ten/fifteen minutes when we're
doing a topic discussion for open discussion on anything they may
want to share, and we go out for chinese each week (I haven't been
able to attend for awhile because I usually pick my daughter up from
work pretty soon after the meeting closes) and invite newcomers
freely, saying if they don't have the money we can cover it, and
split the check accordingly. When a new member joins our group, we
try to give them a position—greeter, chair setup, etc.
3. How can we encourage addicts to express themselves freely and
honestly?
HuH? Why would we want ADDICTS to express themselves freely and
honestly? They're all a bunch of liars aren't they? LOL—God, I hope
you knew that was a joke! We do it in my group by sharing freely and
honestly ourselves, though we do mention in our opening announcements
that though we want them to share about anything that affects their
recovery, we would rather hear about their problem and what we can do
to help instead of war stories. Most of the time this works well, and
we've never had to approach anyone about "inappropriate" sharing.
Mostly its because we're caring and supportive I reckon. Sorry some
of this got so long! Much love, John
<johnh94@yahoo.com>