Al-Anon Steps Workshop

by Beverly B. from Lewisville, Texas

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Addictions/alcoholismrecovery/bevstep.htm

Al-Anon 12-Step Study

by Arleen S. from Donaldson, Tennessee

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Addictions/alcoholismrecovery/arleens.htm

Trust yourself

(Thank you for sharing these with us, Robert) 

“I never know what the next lesson is going to be, because we’re not supposed to know;
we’re supposed to trust ourselves to discover it.” -- Melody Beattie 

How deeply do you trust your own guidance? 

Always trust that you know what’s best for you. To move forward in your life, gather
information from the ‘experts,’ consider how their advice relates to your situation and
then act only on what feels right for you. What does your whole being (mind, body and
soul) say ‘Yes!’ to? 

You are the only expert for your own life. 

“I trust so much in the power of the heart and the soul; I know that the answer to what we
need to do next is in our own hearts. All we have to do is listen, then take that one step
further and trust what we hear. We will be taught what we need to learn.” – Melody Beattie 

“Ultimately, we must learn to trust ourselves. When we do this intimately and intelligently,
the world opens full of meaning before us. We find that we ourselves are the doorway to
a fathomless understanding of the source of life itself. We need only to learn to walk
through it.” -- James Thornton 

From Higher Awareness, The Inner Journey, Jan. 4, 2008 

Love yourself

"It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others."

-- Sydney J. Harris

"We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are."

-- Don Miguel Ruiz

"There is no freedom like seeing myself as I am and not losing heart."

-- Elizabeth J. Canham

"If we could learn to like ourselves, even a little, maybe our cruelties and angers might melt away."

-- John Steinbeck

IT'S YOUR FRIENDS THAT MAKE YOUR WORLD
~Author Unknown~

Your own positive energy will compel things to turn out
the way you desire when you're surrounded by positive people.
Choose your environment with care.

Your environment is your mental feeding ground.
It's where all the food that goes into your mind comes from.


Choose your environment with care, one that is positive,
one that lifts you up and gives you wings to soar.

Create favorable conditions through your association with others.
Avoid people who belittle your ambition.
Small people always do that, but the really great people,
make you feel that you, too, can become great.

We shape our buildings, and then they shape us.

Developing Healthy Tolerance

By Melody Beattie

Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts 

us. We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves 

repeatedly it' s not that bad; we shouldn't be so demanding; 

it'll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it 

doesn't annoy us; the other person didn't really mean it; it 

doesn't hurt; maybe it's just us.

We may fight and argue with ourselves about the reality and

validity of our pain - our right to feel it and do something about 

it.

Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become

furious and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting ourselves 

to own our power with people. We can lessen our pain and 

suffering by validating and paying attention to ourselves. We can 

work at shortening the time between identifying a need to set a 

boundary, and taking clear, direct action.

We aren't crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some

behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or 

abusive.

We don't have to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves once

we identify a boundary that needs to be set. Look at the

experience as an experiment in owning our power, in 

establishing  new, healthy boundaries and limits for ourselves.

We don't have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves

after we've set a boundary. We can learn to accept the

awkwardness and discomfort of setting boundaries with people.

We can establish our rights to have these limits. We can give

the other person room to have and explore his or her feelings;

we can give ourselves room to have our feelings - as we struggle

to own our power and create good, working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will

develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

God, help me begin striving for healthy boundaries and healthy

tolerance for others and myself.

©1990, Melody Beattie Hazelden Foundation. Language All rights reserved. No portion of 

this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the 

written permission of the publisher.

My Story

October 19, 2007

 

Hi, my name is Tamara.

 

Thank you for entering the Serenity Quest website and exploring our pages of life stories. I am here because of the Serenity Quest Mission: To be of service toward physical, emotional, spiritual growth and healing.

 

I want to share some things about myself, and welcome you to know me better. It is a humbling experience to open up and share truths about oneself, but that is what recovery is about: Experience, Strength and Hope.  Beginning with the fact that at a very young age, I learned to use blame and criticism as a way of self-defense.

 

The years of turmoil went by, and eventually my pains were so severe that survival instincts alone told me that I had to do something differently. What that something was, was beyond my comprehension. I only knew that I was the most miserable wretched person that walked the face of the earth.  I did not have a clue how to do life. Nothing was working as “I” had planned it to, and “I” was excruciatingly miserable. My heart and mind focused on me, myself and I.

 

My journey into change and healing began with Alanon. There was a little blue book called “One Day at a Time” which saved my life. From there, I entered into a new realm of recovery with a small 12-step group for “Women Who Love Too Much.” We were women who loved so much that we accepted unacceptable behaviors from the men we loved.  Similar to CODA, yet different, it was exactly where God wanted me to be in order to break through the issues that weighed so heavily on my heart and mind.

 

It was in Alanon that I began to pray asking God where He wanted me spiritually. I diligently explored many avenues. I visited many churches and read, asked questions and talked. I did not want anything to do with religion.

 

The answer came through prayer and meditation. I discovered the person of the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ.

 

With that, I will end this brief story about myself, and change the focus to lovingly welcome you and say “I love you!”

  

 

Treatment for a Loved One ......

 

"I will not worry, fret or be unhappy over you.

I will not be anxious concerning you.

I will not be afraid for you.

I will not give up on you.

I will not blame you, criticize or condemn you.

I will remember, first, last and always

that you are life's perfect expression.

I know you have Spirit in you.

I trust Spirit to take care of you,

to be a light to your path,

to provide for all your needs.

***

I think of you as always being

surrounded by a Loving Presence,

as being enfolded in that protecting care,

kept safe and sure in all things.

I have confidence in you.

I stand by you, knowing that you are

growing and finding the help you need.

***

I see the love you desire filling your heart,

and enriching your world.

I now behold the complete healing of you ~

physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I know all your financial needs are

right now being fully met.

***

I have only good feelings in my heart about you,

for I share with you the freedom to live your life

as you feel guided by the Spirit of God indwelling you.

Your way may not be my way,

but I trust Spirit to show you

the way to your highest good.

*

I believe in you.

*

I love you.

*

And I know that all is well.

*

AND SO IT IS!"

 

author unknown

 

From TwelveStepSoulFood 4 theSpirit

At http://groups. yahoo.com/ mygroups

 

 

 

 

I am not afraid of storms

 for I am learning how to sail my ship.

                                                ~Louisa May Alcott~

 

 

When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars.

                                                                     ~Charles A. Beard

 

 

What a lovely surprise to discover how unlonely

 being alone can be.

                                                                    ~Ellen Burstyn

 

 

Detachment with Love 

To detach,

        Does not mean isolating oneself...

        Does not mean build a wall...

         Does not mean to focus on sick behavior of the past...

 Does not mean to grimly simmer and stew in rage or anger because you disapprove of the way another person has behaved. You did not cause the disease. You cannot change the disease.  You cannot control the disease.

 

To detach,

     Means to allow another person the dignity to experience the consequences of his/her actions and behaviors ~ the positive and the negative~

 

To detach,

     Means to love another person enough to allow them the gift of his/her own free will.

 

Suggested example:

     If the alcoholic in your life passes out on the floor... A loving action on your part might be to cover him or her with a blanket. Then, remember to take care of yourself and get the rest you need.

 

Pray for the grace to have the ability to love when in the moment, it seems like the other person is completely unlovable.

 

Things never stay the same...         

 

By Tamara Covert Neal,  9-26-2007

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is Detachment?
Detachment is experiencing your feelings without allowing your feelings to control you.  It is choosing how you will act in a situation rather than just reacting.  Feelings like sadness, happiness, disappointment, joy, frustration - are natural.  Everyone has them.  Detachment is a way to use thinking and feeling together so that you don't let your feelings run away with you. 
 
Detachment does not mean you pretend to feel differently than you do.  Some people think detachment is being cold or pretending not to care, but when they try it, they find it is a joyful experience.  Feelings are wonderful when they belong to us, when we use them to do what we really choose to do. 
Detachment means to feel what you feel but not have to act on the feeling unless you want to.  It's kind of like standing beside yourself and watching what you are feeling as well as feeling it.

Why Practice Detachment? 
Detachment is very important for a spiritual being.  It allows you to choose the way you are going to act no matter how you feel.  It permits you to be kind to people you do not like, or do a very hard thing because it is the right thing to do.
Detachment helps you to decide what to do about strong feelings like anger.  You can decide to use your voice to tell someone how mad you are and why rather than picking up the nearest object and slamming them with it!
Without detachment you never know what you're going to do - it depends on how you feel!  When you practice detachment a lot it becomes easier to do, even when your emotions are very strong.   Prayer and meditation can be a big help in learning detachment.
Without detachment you would stay away from all the things you don't like or which are hard to do - even if it is very important for you to do them.  With detachment you can choose to do something you like in moderation rather than eating too much or playing a game too much and neglecting other things you need to do.

How Do You Practice It?
You can practice detachment whenever you have a feeling about something or someone.  first you recognize the feeling - how can you be detached if you do not know what you are detached from?  Stop and look at your feelings and thoughts.  Ask yourself two questions:
What am I feeling about this?
What do I want to do?
Now pay attention to what you want to do.  Ask yourself...
Is it good for me?
Will it help someone else?
Is it right
Is it the best I can do?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, then choose to do something else instead.

Look.  Choose.  Act.

Signs of Success
Congratulations!  You are practicing detachment when you...
Take time out before doing something you will be sorry for.
Look at your feelings before deciding how to act.
Use thinking and feeling together.
Pray or meditate before taking action
Chose to do what is right

Keep trying!  You need more practice when you...

 

Ignore your feelings

Do not know what you are feeling

Automatically act on your feelings without thinking

think you are helpless when strong feelings come

Do not decide what you want to do or say

Lose your temper

 

Retrieved September 25, 2007, from http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/twelvestepsoulfood4thespirit/message/32551

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness

Deep waters

Troubled waters

Cleansing waters

Silken peace

Joy of God fills my heart

Roots of rejection tore me apart

Again, I cry out for the pain to cease

A tormented heart I refuse to keep!

Forgiveness struggles to emerge

Cracking the shell

As the pain is purged

Oh, hardened heart,

To God I give

In exchange for His

Sacrifice

That I may live

Tamara Covert Neal My heart speaks love.

 

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